dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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