I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
