i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
