Whod you bang
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
