Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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