bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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