I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
