i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
