your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
