did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
