what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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