Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
