if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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