were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
