If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
