I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
