You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
