Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
