We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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