guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
