No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
