he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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