this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
