and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
