I faked an abortion last night.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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