I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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