So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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