You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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