literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
