I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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