I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
