Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
