my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?