Already got asked if we're dating
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed