I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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