I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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