you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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