so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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