PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize