No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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