i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
