remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
