At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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