dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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