Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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