I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
