Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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