YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
