She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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