I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize