I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
