Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
