based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
