So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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