Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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