apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
