Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
