Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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