I will die if light touches me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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