I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
