This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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