Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
