This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
