I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
