apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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