You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
