The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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