So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"