Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
