She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
