Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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