We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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