I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
