sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just pee around me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
