im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
